Hmm.. Let's see. Today's post is made out of feelings.... What do I mean with that? Well, it's rather simple. It all started around a week ago, when a guy from the bar I usually spend my days, and to some extent, spent my nights, died in a motorcycle accident. It was a sad day that day, and the candles still burn under his pictures from the pubs windows. That was circumstance number one. Circumstance number two came yesterday morning, when after about four weeks, I finally got in touch with an ex-co-worker from Call Point. Flori. When I last saw her, was in my last day in CP and we've met in the parking lot. At the same time I've met her husband. Yesterday morning I found out that the next day he died in a car crash... The third circumstance that shook me up to the core of my heart. And earlier tonight Alina linked me a song with a video. You'll find that at the end of the posting.
Now, some might say this was just coincidental. Well, it might. Or it might not. God knows, maybe on my way home today, while in the cab I'll get hit by another speeding car and this will be my last post. Maybe you, the reader, after enjoying your cigarette and cup of coffee, on the road to the pub, disco or club. Maybe just wanting to meet a friend or the love of your life get hit by a truck on the cross way. No one knows, and least of all us, but, never the less, this string of events made me think a bit at how fragile our lives really are and how puny we are in the grand scheme of things to come.
We cling our lives in so many small affairs we start to consider them huge. I've met a cab driver the other day, so full of himself and his illumination of finding his financial independence that he started spewing his sale pitch onto me. I hate that. Specially when that sale pitch sounds like text book insurance agency. Don't get me wrong, got nothing against the guy. But there are times, and there are times. That was not the time. But, I let him be and didn't stop him. Eventually, I wanted to see how much did he understood about that "evolution" he was so enlightened about. And I tell him that financial evolution ain't possible without personal, social and spiritual illumination... Guess what? He said yes, and then started to talk about mentalities. Which have nothing to do with social or spiritual evolution. He didn't saw the point. Made me realise that in his great hunt for wealth and financial security he is able and willing to sell his own mother, just for that extra fist of coins.
Are we so hung into money and wealth that we can't see life slipping trough our fingers? Can't we see our parents are fading day by day? Friends are leaving and everyone we care and ever cared for eventually go away, die or move on? Are we so blinded by cars, bling and houses that we can't see the real treasure is around us? And I know some will say that this is the mentality of the poor man, with no social status. But let me underline something friends. Those that think like that. Take a good look around yourselves and ask, if tomorrow you'd be jobless... Would any of your friends go to people they barley know and ask for a job in your name? Since I did that. Even the other day. And others did that for me. (Thanks Toni!) Would you be treated the same? Or just left to rot in a puddle of your own tears of self loathing? How many people can you trust with your life? Up there on your social ladder with your money and winnings? I'm guessing your really paranoid, and in the end, really sad.
And with that, I made my point. And I'm not even going to start with the person that you love, or I love. When money are not the issue, because they barley exist, life is harder, true, but it's so much nicer. Since only then you can really know the human spirit. And the Human Spirit (No, it's not +10 spirit. :P ) is the power to go further! To fight, bite and claw your way trough survival! It's about watching death in the face, laughing, kicking it in the groin and running away hoping she will never catch up... And in the end, that's what this post is about... Death catching up. Eventually, she does. And when she does, where do you want to be? Surrounded by friends, loved ones and people you care? Or left alone in a wealthy bed, while your so much younger wife is in the garage screwing the driver?
Honestly, it's not even a choice for me. I know where I want to be. Do you? And what are you willing to sacrifice to get that? I'm ready to loose an arm and a leg for my family, friends and loved ones. Would you? And yes, I know 80% will say yes. But most don't mean and and most don't even give it a second thought. In the end, we're all selfish, and it's fine... Until it matters. Until you need to make a choice. That single, one time choice defines and places you on the real social ladder. The one that doesn't give a crap about income, bank accounts, car pool and whatnot, but only if your a good or a bad man.
And maybe I am a bit frustrated at the moment, and probably a bit scared. Maybe tomorrow I'll feel safe again and feel like I'm the king of the world, spinning it on my pinkie finger. Maybe tomorrow I'll think the hole world is at my feet and I can reach any peak I want, if I want it bad enough. Maybe this is a lash of pain I felt due to the unforeseen circumstances that arouse this past week. And probably everyone is just like that. But these words will still be here tomorrow, or a year from now. And maybe, sometime, someone comes back here and reads them. And maybe they get scared, just for a second. Maybe for a moment, a most important moment, they think of what happens then? What happens after and where will he go, where will he be in that most crucial moment of his/her life. Then, this puny words written by a mere mortal made a difference. They counted for something. And that's just what I want. For them to count for something.
Take care and love those you have around yourself. Treasure them more than treasure itself. Hug them, and kiss them as much as you can because you never know when it's going to be the last time you do it. Don't be afraid, and most of all, don't be ashamed to say "I love you." since you will never be able to live with the regret of not saying it when it mattered. Don't be shy or don't repress your feelings just because you might be turned down. Maybe it's going to be like that, but if something happens, that person will know that he was never alone, that there was someone, there for him or her. Never think it's more complicated to love than to gain, because in the end, when you loose love, material life doesn't matter anymore... Don't be afraid of saying what you feel and don't repress that need you have to hug someone... Just do it. It will matter. It will make a difference...
My heart goes out for the ones that past in the world of the dead. May their journey be swift and pleasant. May they rest in peace from now and until the end of times and I can only hope they will be at heavens door when we'll be ready to join them ourselves... Until then, we can only shed a tear and place a flower at their tombstone to remind them that we never, nor could we ever forget them. I hope that now, everyone will keep a moment of silence in memoriam of everyone we knew and passed away. Relatives, friends and foes alike...
By now, your wondering why is this post in English. Well, I recently found out that two of my colleagues from Philippines are following my blog, so I wrote this post so they don't have to Google Translate it to understand what I'm saying. And if anyone that reads this, doesn't understand what I'm saying, then please, out of mutual respect for them, go and Google Translate it. :)
In the end, I just want to dedicate this post to Laurentiu Craciun and Gheorghe Gabriel Florin, our hearts and souls go out for you... And also to Florentina Craciun, Kimberly Durante and Arlene Tobias Solis. This post is for you!
In the end, enjoy the colours of life, because death is to gray to let her take them away from us...
And here is the song that shook me up from my foundation... Gregorian - Moment of Peace.
P.S: Our project was delayed with one week due to technical difficulties... :(